she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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