The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bring me that man meat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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