my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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