hotel room ftw
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize