i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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