he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
