He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
