Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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