my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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