Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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