Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
