I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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