Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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