Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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