found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
