Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
