I didn't shave. On purpose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
