My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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