We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
