he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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