Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize