it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
