My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
