: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They took my balls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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