You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
