I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
