community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
