i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
