anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
