Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
