I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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