You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize