went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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