you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
