Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
