can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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