I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"it" just moved
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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