Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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