It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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