When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
