we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
