Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
