3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize