So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
