Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
