Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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