It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
