So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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