You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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