I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
