I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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