i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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