last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I color on your dick again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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