Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
