Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
