nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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