Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
