Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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