I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
