Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
