I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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