the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
