Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
