You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize