That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
