have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
