You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
