NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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