spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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