we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
MIDGETS
????
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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