Whod you bang
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
