i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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