so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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