Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize