Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
