I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So squirting runs in the family.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
