the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
