Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
