the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
