I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
