Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
