It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
