Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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