all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
