wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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