All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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