I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize