it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
