drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
