i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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