I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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