Will you blow on my dice?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
