he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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