that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
