Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize