When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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