Her vagina should come with caution tape.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
