apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
