Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so let's talk penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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