It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
