There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i think i just lost a toe
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