May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
