You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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