p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
